Remembering Aaron
This New Years Eve in my life is a little darker than any that have came before it. Yesterday, just before leaving work I decided to do one last check of my e-mail. Waiting for me was a message from my friend T-Bot (we lived & worked together during my time in California). Typcially hearing from any of the friends I came away with from that time is a wonderful addition that brightens my day. This message however was the bearer of horrible news.
Aaron Gardner is a friend and co-worker of mine from Camp High Trails. His body was found in his apartment by police earlier this week. He had committed suicide some time before that. We don't know all the answers yet, and living so far apart makes it difficult to put the pieces together. I haven't talked to anyone to learn any of the details, and frankly am still uncertain of my emotional ability to handle much more than I know right now.
What's hard to accept is the fact that it was a suicide. I feel like this news would be less of a blow had it been some freak accident or heath issue. But suicide is just tough. I've never known anyone before who's taken their own life and would have never imagined Aaron of all people to do so. He was always cracking jokes and having a good time.
Today has been less of an emotional struggle than last night. I've had a nights sleep to add some time that has softened the blow a bit. Visiting with David & Elizabeth in Cleveland has added many other things to distract me from the news as well. Maybe once I'm back home I'll feel up to contacting some other friends and finding out what else there is to know. For now though, I'm going to do my best to distract myself from this news and enjoy New Years Eve in the company of friends.
Below are a couple of pictures of Aaron that T-Bot attached in her e-mail. Because I'm not home to access my pictures of Aaron, I'll post these for now in memory of the loss of a friend. I like this first picture because it sort of sums up the way I remember Aaron - a quiet guy but funny as could be, always ready to make your day better by making you smile! We'll miss you Aaron.
posted by Ruth @ 9:08 PM
5 comments
5 Comments:
I send my condolences. This is a sad thing and i'm sure hard to deal with. I understand all the why's and why not's on this matter, but for some reason it happened. It's possible that he himself didn't really have any One reason.
I won't lie, and this is the reason i'm commenting, I've thought of suicide many times through out my life. However, have not attempted nor do i think i could follow through if i were to attempt. It just is like this for some of us. The smallest things turn into the biggest things. Most of the time there's ups and downs, lifes good or bad, each time there's a bad, the next bad time is even worse. Triggered by many thoughts and emotions, this is something that is real. Unfortunately we wish we could help, but it's so hard to do.
I don't know if that helps ease anything. Peace be with you and your friends afar at this time. Take care.
Thank you for the comment April. I too have though about suicide at one point in my life...although only really once. And it was during a time in my life of prolonged depression that luckily has not returned since my Junior year of college. Mine were just thoughts though.
I highly doubt I would be able to actually go through with it. It must be so different for each of us. The way our brain works and how our emotions can fluxuate between extremes without warning.
I doubt anyone will ever really truely know why anyone takes their own life. And judgement is not our place or our right. I think for me it is more shock than judgement. I'm not concerned with right or wrong. I'm simply painfully aware of the loss of a great person and friend.
I'm so sorry, Ruth. It's always hard to lose someone you love regardless of the reason. I also lost a very dear friend about 3 years ago. She had gone to bed one night and just didn't wake up in the morning. Even after all this time, I still mourn her loss because I just miss her so much.
Warm hugs to you.
I'm sorry to hear that...a friend/coworker of Michelle's just committed suicide over the holidays, its been hard on everyone because no one can quite understand why someone would take their own life....I hope he can be in peace now from whatever vexed him so bad here.
I am very sorry for your loss, Ruth. Losing a friend, whatever the reason or distance, is never easy.
-daryl
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